Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Ah... The Pain of Laziness

A couple of days ago I realised that I might just be the laziest person alive. This now obvious realisation hit me when I had had my bath and was wrapping my smacking new towel around myself. It turns out that the towel makers were stupid enough to make a "wrong side" of this innocent looking thing. This side apparenly had needle sharp cloth-things embedded in it. As a result, I start to feel that 'thorny snake wrapping itself around you' feeling. Now a normal reasonable person would turn the towel around and use the "right side" instead, but not me... no sirreee bob (sorry for using that horrid expression, felt right at the time!)... I proceed to calculate the amount of senseless work it would take to turn the towel around, not to mention the cold I'd feel while the towel was detached from my steaming body (I bathe with geyser-full, lava-HOT water.. so that's not metaphorical!). Realising that I'm not quite ready for that sort of hard work, I wipe myself dry with the poison ivy laden side. Now I sit here, bruised and rashed in all the wrong places, thinking this might not have been the perfect blog entry to write. But, then again, who cares.. rite? (That was a rhetorical question btw, incase u answered "Well, I Do!": I've already wasted your time so there's no point bickering, is there now?)

And a Merry Christmas to all the spammers and bots who'll spam my comments section... I love you the most of all! Hope you all get bladder infections for christmas :P

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Operation "Your-Name-Here"

Back in the days of yore (ok... maybe not that back), I remember the only news channel on Indian television sets was DD-News. It wasn't as much a channel as it was a time slot of around 9-ish in the night. Of course, the only channel in those days was DD so it didn't make that much of a difference. Then arrived cable and it was so expensive (cuz u had to buy those dish antennas yourself) that only certain high-and-mighty could afford it. Soon those idiots were using those dish-antennas to store rain-water as the cable-wallahs arrived on the scene and soon we were all friggin addicted!

Now, back to the news!

So after the corporations realised that news channels could do business, they started launching channels one after the other. Soon, out of a channel band of about 50, 10-12 were news channels. Now with so many news channels competing for the viewership, you would think that there would be quality programming when you turned the TV on.. Aaaa! Wrong Guess! I come home one day from the college to find a news channel reporting on some bozo predicting that he was going to die at 5 in the evening and half-a-dozen news channels flocking the village to see if he's right. Well, the clock strikes 5 and he's 5 kilos-heavier if anything, owing to the tons of fruits and laddoos he's had to this point from his now 100-something devotee following! So, now each news channel has a reporter trying to justify the 2-hour waste of time with reasons such as how they are unmasking hoaxes like this!

A newer trend to this idiocy is the use of the term "Operation" for every sting operation the channels are involved in. Soon, everyone realised that they aren't involved in many sting operations but the term does sound cool enough to be used over and over. So, now any news item is an operation! We have operations ranging from 'Operation Duryodhan' to 'Operation Majnu'!! Now clearly they're bound to run out of these cool (apparently) names some day. That day will see advertisers paying good money to use their names in designating these operations. So, now long from now, you'll have 'Operation Baygon' talking about how the fashion world is crazy about this new haircut. Post that era, maybe they'll have a 'SMS the most entries n get an operation named after you' contest! That wondrous day, I'll stop paying the cable guy and hang myself with the cable wire. Start SMSing now... maybe you can get your name on that news item!